Description
π§ Product Title:
JOHN PORK — Calling… But This Time It’s Personal ππ·πΆοΈ
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π½ Lore Leak:
You shouldn’t have searched for him. You shouldn’t have clicked the videos.
But you did. And now John Pork is Calling.
Originally thought to be a harmless internet meme with a friendly pig face and a Nokia ringtone, John Pork is actually a hyper-trained international assassin—a legend in the underground known only as “The Butcher of Baku.”
He tracks down anyone who tries to expose the truth. If you’re reading this, he’s already traced your IP.
Always calm. Always smiling. Always calling.
π΅οΈβοΈ Assassin Profile:
• Style: Business-casual red flannel / mountain blend
• Specialties: Disappearing into fog, pig-headed persistence, silent oinks
• Known Associates: Tim Cheese, Capuccino Assassino, Bombardino Crocodilo
• Last seen: Near a cliff. Holding a rotary phone. Staring.
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π¨ Design Breakdown:
• Font: 70s Americana horror-sitcom energy (like if Stephen King wrote for Nickelodeon)
• Color Palette: Sunrise murder-sunset with VHS decay tones
• Texture: Realistic pork-skin detailing with HD flannel depth
• Easter Egg: That’s not a normal phone… it’s a transmitter.
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π§ͺ Real Specs:
• Type: Urban Folklore / Meme Assassin
• Drop Format: Tee / Print / Ritual Summon Sticker
• Rarity: β οΈ CURSED LEGEND β οΈ
• Special Variant: “JOHN PORK – VOICEMAIL LEFT” (with bloodied handset and GPS ping)
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π¬ Official Quote:
“You looked for me. Now I’m looking for you.”
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π Real Product Specs:
• Fabric: 100% Airlume combed and ring-spun cotton
• Weight: 4.2 oz/yd² (142 g/m²)
• Fit: Unisex
• Tear-away label
• Sizes: XS to 5XL
• Color Options: Heather Clay, White, Asphalt
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π§Ό Care Instructions:
• Machine wash cold, inside-out
• Tumble dry low or hang dry while watching your back
• Do NOT answer unknown numbers
• Iron inside-out and pray it doesn’t ring mid-cycle
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π runwaypepe.com/shop
For those who dare wear the call.
| XS | S | M | L | XL | 2XL | 3XL | 4XL | 5XL | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Width, in | 16.50 | 18.00 | 20.00 | 22.00 | 24.00 | 26.00 | 28.00 | 30.00 | 32.00 |
| Length, in | 27.00 | 28.00 | 29.00 | 30.00 | 31.00 | 32.00 | 33.00 | 34.00 | 35.00 |
| Sleeve length, in | 8.60 | 8.90 | 9.20 | 9.50 | 9.70 | 10.00 | 10.40 | 10.80 | 11.20 |
| Size tolerance, in | 1.50 | 1.50 | 1.50 | 1.50 | 1.50 | 1.50 | 1.50 | 1.50 | 1.50 |
EU representative: Ernest Dobrowolski, [email protected], Kordeckiego 75/19, Warszawa, Mazowieckie, 04-355, PL
Product information: Bella+Canvas 3001, 2 year warranty in EU and Northern Ireland as per Directive 1999/44/EC
Warnings, Hazard: For adults, Blank product sourced from Honduras
Care instructions: Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F), Non-chlorine: bleach as needed, Tumble dry: low heat, Iron, steam or dry: medium heat, Do not dryclean
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