Description
π§ Product Title:
π§ TIM CHEESE — The Rat in the Red Tie π«ππ§π
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π₯ Lore Fragment:
When John Pork vanished for 6 months into the Alps, everyone assumed he went off-grid to meditate.
But in the neon backalleys of Mozzarella City, something darker fermented.
Born in the radioactive cheddar vaults beneath the Vatican and trained by the last survivors of the Crumb Syndicate, Tim Cheese isn’t just a rat —
He’s the architect of lactose-fueled warfare.
Once Pork’s childhood friend from the orphanage of San Prosciuttino, their bond shattered the night Pork flushed the master cheese blueprint down a Nokia toilet.
Now, with a cheese-grater silencer and an army of weaponized fondue drones, Tim Cheese is calling.
But not from a regular phone —
He uses a hacked 2012 Chinese prototype iPhone clone, rebuilt with military thermoplastics, a graphene capacitor rig, and a zero-battery failover boot system.
No updates. No backdoors. No chance of interception.
The line is always hot — because he never hangs up.
And if you don’t answer,
he sends The Rindwalker.
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π§ Design Breakdown:
• Suit: Custom-tailored, silk-threaded with melted brie accents
• Gun: Parmesan-etched 9mm with gouda recoil dampening
• Shades: Bulletproof. Also onion-proof.
• Backdrop: Cyber-Florence during the annual Grana Padano Riots
• Font: Mob-pressed vintage Italian signage, crisp and toasted
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π Real Product Specs:
• Fabric: 100% Airlume combed and ring-spun cotton
• Weight: 4.2 oz/yd² (142 g/m²)
• Fit: Unisex
• Tear-away label
• Sizes: XS to 5XL
• Color Options: Mafioso Black, Cheese Crumb, Rat Alley Heather
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π§Ό Care Instructions:
• Machine wash cold, inside-out
• Tumble dry low or air-dry over a parmesan flame
• No bleach — it insults the cheese
• Iron inside-out, but never on the gun holster print
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π§ͺ Rarity Specs:
• Type: GangsterRodentino™
• Drop Format: Tee / Hoodie / Collector’s “Cheddar Contract” Poster
• Rarity: π§ MYTHICAL
• Collector Note: Hidden QR under armpit activates emergency escape route to Milan
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π¬ Last Recorded Threat:
“You sniffin’ around for Pork?
Better hope you smell somethin’ else…
or the next bite’s your last.”
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π‘ Available now only at:
ππΌ runwaypepe.com/shop ππΌ
| XS | S | M | L | XL | 2XL | 3XL | 4XL | 5XL | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Width, in | 16.50 | 18.00 | 20.00 | 22.00 | 24.00 | 26.00 | 28.00 | 30.00 | 32.00 |
| Length, in | 27.00 | 28.00 | 29.00 | 30.00 | 31.00 | 32.00 | 33.00 | 34.00 | 35.00 |
| Sleeve length, in | 8.60 | 8.90 | 9.20 | 9.50 | 9.70 | 10.00 | 10.40 | 10.80 | 11.20 |
| Size tolerance, in | 1.50 | 1.50 | 1.50 | 1.50 | 1.50 | 1.50 | 1.50 | 1.50 | 1.50 |
EU representative: Ernest Dobrowolski, [email protected], Kordeckiego 75/19, Warszawa, Mazowieckie, 04-355, PL
Product information: Bella+Canvas 3001, 2 year warranty in EU and Northern Ireland as per Directive 1999/44/EC
Warnings, Hazard: For adults, Blank product sourced from Honduras
Care instructions: Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F), Non-chlorine: bleach as needed, Tumble dry: low heat, Iron, steam or dry: medium heat, Do not dryclean
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